(Arriving on stage at MGM Grand Casino)

Good evening, everyone! Thank you so much for coming out and showing your support for the grand opening of the MGM Grand Casino in Las Vegas.

I am here to deliver some amazing comedy to kick off the night. Let me just start off by saying that I am absolutely honored to be here. You all are beautiful people, and I am so excited to be here to make you laugh your hearts out.

Let’s just jump right in.

Do you guys remember that old children’s game where you have to guess whether the person is lying or telling the truth? Well, it looks like the MGM Grand Casino has their own version of the game! Just wait and see what the announcer says.

(Soft laughter)

Announcer: "Welcome to the grand opening of the MGM Grand Casino in Las Vegas! Where winning is a guarantee!

(More laughter)

That’s right! I don’t think anyone here can guarantee that they’ll win, no matter how good they are at gambling, so let’s just cut the nonsense and get down to the business at hand.

The truth of the matter is that you can only win if you play smart and be aware of the odds. Gambling can be a tricky game, so it pays to know your limits and be prepared to take a few risks.

That being said, I’m sure you all want to know what kind of gambling options the MGM Grand Casino has to offer. Well, let me tell you:

The casino offers everything from blackjack and poker to slots, video poker, and roulette.

We also offer our own staff of professionals, who are available to provide advice on all types of gambling strategies.

(Soft laughter)

It’s true! The casino is here to help, not to empty your wallet.

And of course, we offer the famous High-Limit table games. That’s where you can go all out and try your luck at becoming a high-stakes gambler.

But speaking of luck, the MGM Grand Casino isn’t just a place to gamble; it’s also a place where you can get lucky. As you may have noticed, there’s a number of different events and entertainment options at our new casino, so you can find something to do whether you’re feeling lucky or not.

For instance, we have a variety of different shows and concerts, both in the theater and out in the casino. Our schedule is constantly being updated with new, exciting events, so be sure to check back often!

(Soft laughter)

We also have a wide selection of different bars, restaurants, and lounges to pick from. In addition, we offer plenty of specialty drinks, appetizers, and other snacks to keep the night alive.

Finally, the MGM Grand Casino offers a selection of premium amenities, like pool cabanas, private balconies, and VIP Suites. We know how to make your stay extra special and comfortable.

(Cheers and applause)

And that’s just the beginning. As I said before, winning is not a guarantee, but with the MGM Grand Casino, having a great time is.

(More cheers and applause)

So don’t be scared of taking a few risks and having some fun. Who knows, maybe you’ll hit it big!

Thank you again for your support and joining us in the celebration of the grand opening of the MGM Grand Casino in Las Vegas. It’s been a pleasure, and I hope to see you all again soon!

Good night!