Paris

Created on February 15, 2023.

Paris image

What's up, Vegas! I'm here at the Paris casino, and let me tell you, I feel like I've been transported to another country. I mean, I don't know what's more French – the Eiffel Tower outside or the smell of croissants in the air.

But seriously, have you seen the Eiffel Tower here? It's like a mini version of the real thing. I swear, I saw a pigeon on top of it earlier, and I was like, "That's not Paris, that's New York!"

And let's talk about the gambling. You know how they say the house always wins? Well, at the Paris casino, they take that phrase to a whole new level. I put down $100 on the blackjack table, and before I knew it, I was down to my last chip. I was like, "Can I at least get a free croissant or something?"

And don't even get me started on the slot machines. You know how they have those themed slot machines, like Wheel of Fortune or Monopoly? Well, here at the Paris casino, they have a slot machine that's just a picture of a croissant. I mean, who's gonna win on that thing? The Pillsbury Doughboy?

But you know what they say – when in Rome, or in this case, Paris. So, I decided to embrace the French culture and try some of the local cuisine. I ordered escargot, which is French for "snails." I don't know who came up with that idea, but if I wanted to eat something slimy and gross, I'd go to a Nickelback concert.

And let me tell you, the prices here are ridiculous. I ordered a bottle of water, and the waiter was like, "That'll be $20." I was like, "Is this water from the fountain of youth or something?" I mean, at that price, the water better come with a free pair of Beats headphones.

But you know what they say – you can't put a price on memories. And I have to say, the Paris casino definitely provided me with some memorable experiences. Like when I got lost in the casino trying to find the bathroom, and ended up in the gift shop instead. I was like, "Well, I guess I'll just pee in this Eiffel Tower snow globe."

And let's talk about the people here. You know how in Vegas, you see all sorts of characters walking around? Well, here at the Paris casino, it's like the United Nations of weirdness. I saw a guy dressed as a mime, a woman walking her pet poodle, and a group of tourists wearing berets and carrying baguettes. I was like, "Is this a casino or a clown convention?"

But you know what they say – when in Paris, you gotta dress the part. So, I went to the gift shop and bought a beret. I put it on, and instantly felt more French. I was like, "Bonjour, monsieur. Can I get a croissant, s'il vous plaît?" And the guy behind the counter was like, "Dude, you're from Philly. Stop trying to be fancy."

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