Sahara
Created on February 15, 2023.
Okay, guys, welcome to the Sahara Casino in Las Vegas! It's so hot here, even the statues are sweating. I feel like I'm in an oven right now. If I start to roast, just sprinkle some garlic on me and call me a roast chicken.
But seriously, this place is like a maze. I walked in and I couldn't find my way out. I kept turning left, turning right, turning left again, and before I knew it, I was in the high rollers section. I had to pretend I was one of them, so I put on my best poker face and walked out with a bag of chips.
Speaking of poker, have you ever played poker in Vegas? It's crazy. You've got guys with sunglasses on, guys with cowboy hats, guys with fake mustaches. It's like a costume party, but nobody told me the dress code. I showed up in my regular clothes and everyone looked at me like I was the naked guy in the room.
And the dealers! They're like robots. They shuffle the cards, deal them out, collect the chips, and they don't even crack a smile. I tried to make a joke with one of them, I said "Hey, can I get a discount? I'm short on chips." And he just looked at me like I was an alien. I think he thought I was trying to cheat.
But enough about poker, let's talk about the Sahara. This place is huge. It's got more rooms than the White House, and more lights than a Christmas tree. You can see this place from space. If aliens ever come to Earth, they're going to land here first, thinking it's a landing strip.
And the rooms! They're like palaces. I swear, I could fit my entire apartment in here. The bed is bigger than my house. I almost got lost in the bathroom, it's so big. I thought I was in a spa. I took a bath, a shower, and a steam in there, and I still had room for a dance party.
But you know what's missing from the room? A fridge. I mean, I'm paying all this money for a room, I should be able to store my leftovers in there. I tried to sneak a sandwich in, but the mini bar guy caught me. He looked at me like I was a criminal. I felt like I was in Shawshank Redemption, trying to smuggle in contraband.
Speaking of Shawshank Redemption, have you seen the movie? It's a classic. They should play it here at the Sahara. It would fit right in with the theme. It's about a guy who's trapped in a prison, and he tries to escape by crawling through a tunnel. That's how I feel in this place. I keep walking down the wrong hallway, and I end up in a conference room.
But you know what's great about the Sahara? The food. They've got everything here. Italian, Chinese, Mexican, you name it. I had a pizza last night that was so big, I had to use a forklift to get it to my room. And the buffet? It's like a food marathon. I started at the salad bar, and by the time I got to the desserts, I was sweating gravy.
But you know what's weird about the food? They put fruit in everything. I had a sandwich with fruit in it, a pasta dish with fruit in it, even a steak with fruit on it. I'm starting to think they're trying to trick me into eating healthy.
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